Saturday, August 26, 2006
The Title of This Post Is: First Friday back In My NYC Life and What the F?
Bullets...cuz it's late and I'm drunk...
1) One of my best friends confronted me on a serious issue that I was (ironically) guilt free on...yet it still rocks me to my core. This friend doubted me on something she SHOULD NEVER have doubted me on.
2) I went to see one of my other best friends sing at a cabaret type act...within the first 15 minutes of being at the "event", I was pulled outside by a girl who told me that a YEAR ago, I called her anorexic...and she's STILL not over it. Considering that I'm NOT that guy, I asked "Who ARE you????" This chick says "One of MARIAH'S BEST FRIENDS. I'm way too drunk to get into the logistics of this whole thing...but the culmination was me sobbing in a cab about how deeply this "Conversation" affected me. Mostly cuz it turned out, that a YEAR ago, I did (somehow) call this girl anorexic. I'm confused...ur confused...I dont even know how to explain it right now...but let's just say...it was a massive issue and I walked into it like an ignorant fuck. I...I really can't explain this issue right now, Cuz I'm still surprised by the whole experience. I call people anorexic? I DO? I....DO???? I do? I what???? I will own up to ANY of my wrong doings...I AM a big mouth and I DO say stupid things...ANOREXIA? I say things like THAT???? NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. NO. I don't care if I'm falling down drunk (which is never)...that's not something I would EVER accuse someone of. I mean...my GOD. The whole situation still has me thrown for a loop. What? If you only u knew how big of a deal it was and the retribution of what was to follow...
And I thought it was just going to be a care free evening...dumb. So dumb.
3) I have a lesbian best friend that's getting married next year. This girl is my heart. Out of NOWHERE...I met the guy that she's asked to father her baby. I'm not even making this shit up. I met...the guy...that my best friend has asked to father her baby. MOTHER FUCKING....WHAT!?!?!?!? Am I mad cuz she asked a stranger before she asked me...or am I mad that she is diving into this HUGE LIFE CHANGE without even looking in my direction...for help...for advice...for a sounding board...for a friend...? Oh my God. Oh. My. God. Do YOU have a best friend that wouldn't consult you on this sort of thing?????
4) I got called a "fat ass" tonight (considering the comment Paul made to me last week...I've been uber SENSITIVE to the fat ass dialogue - and...out of nowhere - by a complete fucking asshole...(RACHEL, Y'all! - u know...the chick who blew joey Fat One - 4 months before he got married...) Yeah... She and I are passive agressive and are mutually SMARMTASTIC to one another...but are we gonna throw around the FAT term...especially since you're the most SQUAT bitch I ever done met? My only shame is that I handled her comment with class and laughed it off. Actually I didn't handled it with class, cuz for the rest of the evening, I looked her in the eye and mouthed "You're the fat ass". Over...and over. And over. And yeah...over.
5) Of all that I have to say about my friend Mariah...there was a moment when I cried and she held my hand and wiped my tears...BIG TIME. There was also a second moment when she made me laugh (GUTTERALL like) and I started to cry again (cuz I love her so much). I love this girl so intensely that I literally cry by just being around her. This may sound ambiguous, but for those of u that know me personally...u know what I'm talking about...100%. I LOVE my girls. More than I could ever possibly love a boyfriend or myself.
In Conclusion...this post probably makes no sense whatsoever...but for the first time in a long time...who gives a fuck. I needed this journal to be a sounding board as to how I feel right now. And I think it's served this purpose.
Lastly....for rizz...
1) My friend Tessa is nothing but one of the most BEAUTIFUL people I have EVER met. No one compares to this chick...seriously.
2) My friend Angie...she's my GIRL...but we hit an interesting crossroad tonight.
3) My friend Mariah will NEVER...NEVER...never understand the "gift" she possesses. Or the love that I have for her.
4) I needed Kelly tonight more than I've needed Kelly for a very long time. I mean...I always "need" Kelly...but tonight I NEEDED Kelly.
5) Not having Rita...or some semblance of Rita here...achingly lonely. This chick moved out of NYC 4 years ago...why do I still miss her in my daily life as much as I do?
Quite a night.
Obviously...details to follow...or we'll move on and pretend this night never happened.
That's the easy way out, no?
Everyone else seems to do it.
Bullets...cuz it's late and I'm drunk...
1) One of my best friends confronted me on a serious issue that I was (ironically) guilt free on...yet it still rocks me to my core. This friend doubted me on something she SHOULD NEVER have doubted me on.
2) I went to see one of my other best friends sing at a cabaret type act...within the first 15 minutes of being at the "event", I was pulled outside by a girl who told me that a YEAR ago, I called her anorexic...and she's STILL not over it. Considering that I'm NOT that guy, I asked "Who ARE you????" This chick says "One of MARIAH'S BEST FRIENDS. I'm way too drunk to get into the logistics of this whole thing...but the culmination was me sobbing in a cab about how deeply this "Conversation" affected me. Mostly cuz it turned out, that a YEAR ago, I did (somehow) call this girl anorexic. I'm confused...ur confused...I dont even know how to explain it right now...but let's just say...it was a massive issue and I walked into it like an ignorant fuck. I...I really can't explain this issue right now, Cuz I'm still surprised by the whole experience. I call people anorexic? I DO? I....DO???? I do? I what???? I will own up to ANY of my wrong doings...I AM a big mouth and I DO say stupid things...ANOREXIA? I say things like THAT???? NO. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. NO. I don't care if I'm falling down drunk (which is never)...that's not something I would EVER accuse someone of. I mean...my GOD. The whole situation still has me thrown for a loop. What? If you only u knew how big of a deal it was and the retribution of what was to follow...
And I thought it was just going to be a care free evening...dumb. So dumb.
3) I have a lesbian best friend that's getting married next year. This girl is my heart. Out of NOWHERE...I met the guy that she's asked to father her baby. I'm not even making this shit up. I met...the guy...that my best friend has asked to father her baby. MOTHER FUCKING....WHAT!?!?!?!? Am I mad cuz she asked a stranger before she asked me...or am I mad that she is diving into this HUGE LIFE CHANGE without even looking in my direction...for help...for advice...for a sounding board...for a friend...? Oh my God. Oh. My. God. Do YOU have a best friend that wouldn't consult you on this sort of thing?????
4) I got called a "fat ass" tonight (considering the comment Paul made to me last week...I've been uber SENSITIVE to the fat ass dialogue - and...out of nowhere - by a complete fucking asshole...(RACHEL, Y'all! - u know...the chick who blew joey Fat One - 4 months before he got married...) Yeah... She and I are passive agressive and are mutually SMARMTASTIC to one another...but are we gonna throw around the FAT term...especially since you're the most SQUAT bitch I ever done met? My only shame is that I handled her comment with class and laughed it off. Actually I didn't handled it with class, cuz for the rest of the evening, I looked her in the eye and mouthed "You're the fat ass". Over...and over. And over. And yeah...over.
5) Of all that I have to say about my friend Mariah...there was a moment when I cried and she held my hand and wiped my tears...BIG TIME. There was also a second moment when she made me laugh (GUTTERALL like) and I started to cry again (cuz I love her so much). I love this girl so intensely that I literally cry by just being around her. This may sound ambiguous, but for those of u that know me personally...u know what I'm talking about...100%. I LOVE my girls. More than I could ever possibly love a boyfriend or myself.
In Conclusion...this post probably makes no sense whatsoever...but for the first time in a long time...who gives a fuck. I needed this journal to be a sounding board as to how I feel right now. And I think it's served this purpose.
Lastly....for rizz...
1) My friend Tessa is nothing but one of the most BEAUTIFUL people I have EVER met. No one compares to this chick...seriously.
2) My friend Angie...she's my GIRL...but we hit an interesting crossroad tonight.
3) My friend Mariah will NEVER...NEVER...never understand the "gift" she possesses. Or the love that I have for her.
4) I needed Kelly tonight more than I've needed Kelly for a very long time. I mean...I always "need" Kelly...but tonight I NEEDED Kelly.
5) Not having Rita...or some semblance of Rita here...achingly lonely. This chick moved out of NYC 4 years ago...why do I still miss her in my daily life as much as I do?
Quite a night.
Obviously...details to follow...or we'll move on and pretend this night never happened.
That's the easy way out, no?
Everyone else seems to do it.
